Many of us have experienced great losses since COVID, losses of connection, loved ones, routine, even security. Returning to normal (even knowing what normal is) feels riddled with fear, confusion and reactivity, keeping us stuck. If distance, numbness, or frustration dominates your relationship, then call us and learn to cooperate with the growth trying to happen and reclaim your love.
With few places to turn, the familial, social, financial, vocational and educational stresses created by this pandemic have exponentially increased our stress and responsibilities. Self care is often the first to go, maybe the most important thing that can help.
Additionally a common relational pattern that can get amplified when we feel intense stress is for one partner to shift into a kind of panicked over-doing while the other goes into withdrawal or shutting down. We often get into trouble at this point as we engage with each other from what are really fight or flight coping strategies. As a result we capitulate history into the future and so it repeats and we hurt.
In truth our nervous systems has been hijacked causing us to be reactive and therefore, unintentionally act unskillfully. This is called co-dis-regulation. It is a reciprocal unconscious interaction that intensifies the problem.
What you’re going through together is normal. It’s not a psychological problem to be solved. It is a biological problem. You are not “dysfunctional” and each of you has a responsibility to grow and change for this pattern to release.
Come and learn about co-regulation and how to help each other with your common foe— fear. Rebuild your trust. Release your grief. Set your intention to grow. Learn to listen from your heart and pay attention to what is being asked of you in the moment. Learn to once again have each other’s backs and feel the true depth of your love.
If we can be of help in anyway please feel free to contact either of us. With deep gratitude and faith, Leslie & Steve
derstand for our fears and needs during this unprecedented time. If you have not felt seen, valued or understood in your relationship this will likely just become more intense.
One of the most common relational patterns that can get amplified when we feel intense stress is for one partner to shift into a kind of panicked over-doing while the other goes into withdrawal or shutting down. We often get into trouble at this point as we engage with each other from what are really fight or flight coping strategies.
This is just one example of how our nervous systems get hijacked into behaving in ways that made sense in a prior relational context but are not useful in the present situation. It is possible to learn how to slow things down and begin to see and appreciate what’s actually trying to happen between us so we can actually change and become less reactive with each other.
So we invite you to call one of us and begin the journey of putting your relationships first and learning how to find your way back to into connection. What you’re going through together is normal. It’s not a psychological problem to be solved. You’re not “dysfunctional” and there is not partner is better or more right.
It has been our experience that the vast majority of couples we have worked with over the years have been able to step back from the brink of what feels like the end and progressively learn how to better navigate the normal rhythm of rupture and repair with more grace and presence thereby creating the space for something new and fresh to emerge.
If we can be of help in anyway please feel free to contact either of us. With deep gratitude and faith, Leslie & Steven
