The Constancy of Change

Posted on Mar 10, 2016 in Couples Therapy Blog

Change is the one thing we can actually depend on. When we take the time to slow down and notice the nature of the mind, we see clearly that thoughts are coming and going on their own. Change is constant. We have absolutely no control over where the mind goes. This can be very disheartening. Change is also a constant in our lives. We hear or read about dramatic and sudden changes in the lives of others. We keep ourselves chronically busy partly in order to avoid the anxiety that such changes could also happen to us. Is it possible to view change differently?

When we fall in love, I think most of us secretly or not so secretly hope and even expect that our partners and the relationship itself will finally be a constant in our lives. We all crave stability and predictability in our lives amidst the backdrop of constant change. It’s a tall order for one person to fulfill. Our partners inevitably change, as do we. Most  of us work hard to avoid the knowledge that this is actually occurring.

We often see change as loss rather than as an opportunity to be fully present to this unique moment. Normally, we try to capture and hold onto pleasant memories and try to  avoid remembering unpleasant ones. A tragic or impending loss has a way of shocking us into the reality of the preciousness of this moment, particularly as an opportunity to connect with others. Making friends with change means embracing the preciousness of this moment with loved ones, living with the awareness that our time in this life is fleeting and unpredictable. The constancy of change is thus a reminder to live every waking moment as a fresh opportunity to escape the regret of the past and be fully in the aliveness of the now, with yourself and with others.