The challenges you face in your relationship are both unique to you and deeply universal. Your shared history, past experiences, and the specific events that have brought you to this moment of strain are unique to your relationship. Yet, like all couples in distress, you may find yourselves caught in repetitive patterns that block connection, compassion, and curiosity—patterns that make it hard to move beyond impasse into the possibility of deeper connection and healing.
Why Do Intensives Work?
One of the most common struggles in distressed relationships is a build-up of ruptures without adequate repair. Ruptures—moments of misunderstanding, disconnection, or conflict—are inevitable in any relationship. The vitality of a partnership doesn’t depend on avoiding rupture but on developing the capacity to repair and reconnect.
However, chronic, unresolved ruptures create emotional distance, resentment, and entrenched negative cycles. Weekly therapy often doesn’t allow enough time or space to address these deeply embedded patterns. This is where intensive work becomes invaluable: it provides the immersive, focused environment needed to break through impasses and begin the process of lasting transformation.
The Still Face Experiment: Why Attunement Matters
The impact of emotional attunement—or its absence—has been vividly illustrated in developmental psychology. One powerful example is the Still Face Experiment, where a mother engages with her infant, then suddenly withdraws all emotional expression. The infant, initially secure and attuned, becomes visibly distressed within moments, reaching out, protesting, and eventually shutting down in the absence of connection.
This brief experiment highlights how profoundly we rely on attunement to feel safe, connected, and regulated. While the study focuses on infants, its lessons apply to adult relationships as well. When one or both partners become emotionally withdrawn or unavailable, it can trigger similar distress responses—confusion, protest, and eventual disengagement.
In a couples intensive, we work to reverse these dynamics. Just as the mother in the Still Face Experiment restores connection through her return to presence and engagement, partners in an intensive learn how to re-attune to each other, creating the safety and connection necessary for repair and growth.
Rebuilding Connection Through Attunement
Many of us bring histories of disrupted attunement into our adult relationships. Attunement—our ability to connect deeply, to sense and respond to the emotional needs of both ourselves and others—is essential to healthy bonding. In intensives, we create the time and space to slow down and reconnect with these emotional rhythms, fostering both self-regulation and co-regulation.
By immersing yourself in this process, you can begin to shed the protective patterns that block connection. You’ll discover how to step into a co-regulating presence, much like the mother returning to soothe her infant, calming the distress and restoring harmony.
Moving from Chronos to Kairos
In modern life, we live by Chronos—linear, clock-driven time. It’s the time of schedules, deadlines, and constant pressure to keep moving forward. While necessary for the practicalities of life, Chronos often leaves us rushed, dysregulated, and disconnected from the depth of our experiences.
In contrast, Kairos refers to a quality of time that is expansive and transformative. It’s the time of profound moments, where presence, focus, and the eternal now converge. Think of a deep conversation, the stillness after a yoga class, or the timelessness of watching a sunset.
Our intensives immerse you in the field of Kairos. By stepping out of Chronos and into this spacious, focused environment, you create the conditions necessary for deep healing, connection, and transformation. It’s only in the space of Kairos that the integration of new relational patterns becomes possible.
The Role of Co-Regulation
The ability to co-regulate—soothing and being soothed by another—lies at the heart of healthy relationships. Feeling the regulating presence of another is not just comforting; it’s essential for restoring balance in times of distress. In intensives, you’ll practice this kind of presence, learning to calm each other’s distress and build a foundation of trust and safety.
The Encounter-Centered Approach
Our intensives are rooted in the teachings of Hedy Schleifer’s Encounter-Centered Couples Therapy, which integrates relational neurobiology, Imago therapy, and experiential learning. This approach guides couples to step out of reactive patterns and into a space of deep relational encounter.
Through guided exercises and profound moments of connection, you’ll:
- Discover each other anew, beyond the limiting stories shaped by past hurts.
- Experience embodied learning, where transformation happens not just in your mind but in your heart and body.
- Develop attunement and co-regulation, creating a stronger, more resilient bond.
Why Now?
Investing in an intensive is an investment in the future of your relationship. Instead of months of incremental progress, you can achieve breakthroughs in a matter of days. These immersive experiences allow you to reset your relationship, creating the space for new possibilities and growth.